Oh Dear God, What Happened to Alice?
by xXHanamizukiXx
Summary: So what happens when Alice...takes a small, teeny-tiny risk, at the request of Vivaldi? This is NOT what any of the roleholders were expecting...  Warning: Slight shonen-ai, but only on the part of...well, if I told you that, it would be a spoiler XD.


"Vivaldi…" Alice squirmed uncomfortably in her chair as the queen scrutinized her over the rim of her tea cup. "Is this a really good idea?"

The queen presented Alice with a Blood-worthy smirk.

"We are absolutely sure, Alice." As she spoke, she pulled out a crystal bottle of liquid that made Alice automatically gulp.

-=^._.^=-

"Where's Alice?" Boris swished his tail and looked around the sumptuous banquet table that Blood had set out. It was the 2nd anniversary of Alice's arrival in Wonderland, and the roleholders were holding their usual party at Blood's mansion. However, unlike last time, the guest of honor was missing. Peter glanced anxiously at his pocket watch.

"Why is my dear Alice so late?" The other roleholders looked at each other; they knew Alice was at Vivaldi, but they hadn't expected her to be at the palace for too long. Julius frowned and opened his mouth to speak-

"I'M. TOO SEXY FOR MY SHIRT. TOO SEXY IT HURTSSSS~"

Blood sprayed his mouthful of wine.

Julius's eyes widened to the size of dinner plates.

"TOO SEXY FOR MILAN, NEW YORK, AND JAPANNNNN!"

The room was dead silent, save for the door opening and closing in the hall. The strange voice came closer.

"TOO SEXY FOR MAH LOVEEEEE~" Ace got up from his seat, unsheathing his sword. Quietly, the others picked up their weapons, which were always close by, and followed him into Blood's entrance hall.

A brown-haired man was standing in the center of the hall, singing drunkenly into an empty crystal bottle.

"I'M, TOO SEXY FOR MY LOVE, TOO SEXY FOR…" The man hiccupped. Angrily, Blood stormed past Ace and grabbed the stranger's shoulder-

The man turned.

His face was beautiful. Well, not the flowery Greek-god like beautiful, but the sexy bartender type of hotness you'd find in some secluded pub in Soho.

But the roleholders weren't shocked by the man's sexiness. It was his resemblance to someone they knew very well…

Teal eyes.

Creamy skin.

Brown hair. Ka-ching, that adds up to 1 Alice, total. No change please.

The revelation was equivalent to having someone scrape their unfortunate fingernails down the roleholders' mental chalkboards.

All of them screamed.

"**ALICEEE!"**

The manly Alice blinked, and then peered into the bottle, tipping it over and shaking it to see if there were a few more drops of…well, whatever it was. Shakily, Dee grabbed it and turned it around to look for a label. Behind him, Peter was having a complete meltdown, gibbering in shock.

The others weren't much better off.

Julius was now repeatedly banging his head on the wall.

Blood looked like he was about to stab his own eyes out and more.

Boris and Pierce were crying and clinging to each other in horror. Slowly, Dum and Dee read out the label, which their tortured eyes had finally found.

"Sexy Sex-Change Solution! Feeling a bit more masculine than you should, ladies? Drink this and you'll be turned into a man for the rest of your days! But in case you get tired of living a manly man's life, here is the recipe for the antidote…" The twins looked up as Peter grabbed the bottle and screamed at it;

"WHAT'S THE FRIGGIN ANTIDOTE FOR MY BELOVED ALICE?" Then he squinted at the tiny label.

Conveniently, the antidote recipe was missing (Courtesy of Vivaldi). However, the side _effect _was listed.

"Extreme lechery towards all genders, incurable."

Alice-Turned-Manly gave everyone a Cheshire-cat grin, snatched Peter into 'his' arms, and proceeded to grope with a happy vigor, which was not in the least "sober".

The poor psychotic rabbit fainted.

…. :3 …

"You do realize we can't LEAVE her this way? All of us will be MENTALLY SCARRED FOR LIFE!" Gray crossed his eyes in distress. The other roleholders stared blankly at him. Boris sighed;

"Your point being? We're already mentally scarred, and I don't think Peter will ever pull out of his coma…" Everyone turned around to stare at the catatonic rabbit lying like a corpse on the couch.

They quickly looked back at each other.

Manly Alice was busy rolling around in Blood's king size bed upstairs. Giggling, the transsexual happily sniffed the sheets and pillows and curled up in Blood's favorite velvet blanket.

The door opened a crack. Several pairs of colorful eyes peered at the giddy, masculine form.

Blood snarled. "She's…I mean, HE is messing up my bed!"

Julius grimaced. "Just be glad you're not being ass-raped by him right now. I was walking in the hallway a few minutes ago and I found him reading some of Ace's dirty magazines."

"WHAT? I WAS LOOKING FOR THOSE!" Ace and the others froze as their worst nightmare (heh, no pun intended) turned its head and stared at them with those familiar teal eyes. The monster's lips curled into a smile and whispered in a low, seductive masculine voice.

"Play with me."

If Alice had been her normal self, most would have agreed to comply with her wishes. But that person was NOT the Alice they knew…

"RUN FOR IT!" The twins screeched, turned to run, and crashed into each other. Dee was knocked unconscious and fell halfway into the room through the partially open door. The rest of the roleholders stampeded past him and down the staircase.

… DX…..

"Wake up, Dee darling…." The soft, sensual voice caressed the twin's ear. He cracked open one eye only to find himself-

Tied up on Blood's bed. With male Alice in face. Hands on chest.

Oh holy SHIT.

Below, the roleholders whimpered each time they heard Dee scream. Blood sighed and then thumped his fist onto the mahogany dining table.

"Why aren't we fighting back? This isn't what we'd usually do! Intimidated by…that's ONLY ALICE. We used to bully her, take advantage whenever we wanted-"

Dee screamed again, this time loud enough that the chandelier clattered its pendants and the candlelight fluttered frantically overhead.

Silence descended on the roleholders.

It was going to be a very, very, very unpleasant time.


End file.
